If the van’s a rockin’ . . .

I had this nightmare in which the van was rocking. It was one of those nightmares where you want to scream, but can’t. Then, I realized that I wasn’t asleep. I had just turned out the lights. I had to get a grip and calm down. Once I calmed down, I realized that the van was, in fact, rocking. I shined a flashlight out the window. It was a bear. His front paws were on the table and he seemed interested the pan in which I had heated up some bacon.

I got a jar of honey, removed the lid, rolled down the front window a bit, and threw it out the window. The bear poked his nose in it and the jar got stuck on his nose. I said, “Yeah, sucker! The joke’s on you!!”

OK. That part’s not true. I kept shining the light in his eyes. He went away after a couple of minutes.

My deep regret, besides stupidly teaching a bear that bacon is delicious and that people have bacon if only you’ll ask them, was that I was unable to find the camera to provide photographic documentation.

It was pretty cool, though. And some guys that I met the next day who were camping not far from me had never seen a bear in their many years in Roosevelt National Forest.

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3 Responses to If the van’s a rockin’ . . .

  1. trena says:

    Scary..I have heard those western bears can easily break into cars, something the ones here haven’t learned yet. Be careful..

  2. pfaffman says:

    I did lock the sliding door when I heard the bear. I think the front doors were locked already. At the time it seemed silly to lock the door, but maybe it wasn’t. Actually, you just have to push it down, easily accomplished without an opposible thumb. . . 

  3. ulkkmooeqf says:


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